This time I want to remember
not just with my head
but with my heart
with this body
This time I want to be open
Not just with my mouth
with my ears and eyes
I want to (re)discover practice
I want to discover play
For so long studying freedom in a glass box
It feels good to be out in open air
With respect for the elements
this Community of breath
This is New
This felling of renewal
fills me
even in this moment of distress
Home is where I am
My heart is split
in Two Places
All I want to do is
Be Present
And be a present
for some kid
who doesn’t know
wonderful can be everyday
That the Peace that we speak of
Cant be bought
or found
on a the shelf
or showroom floor
Most days I struggle
to remember this lesson myself
When the waves of welfare
and guilt around around a “choice”
to be poor poet
Are crashing against my lifelines
Yet I am here
In the midst of it all
Trying
Pushing
Gathering
Just to be ok with being
Learn to vomit quiet
This night is not so graceful
It is hardwood littered with left feet
And bruised toes
A motorco moonwalk to soon to save face
Wish this night I could wear different face
Marijuana mask
Covers the scars well
The ones I can’t always hide
in conversation
with these singed vocal chords
from burnt choir robe offerings to a jealous god
I just want to not feel
Not care
Not hold this
It is not mine
Yet it is
Wish my partners understood relationships are no different than friendships
Such a persuasive paradigm
we live in
this world is not enough
Yet tonight I am losing
Breath and speed
She lies next to me
The night
residue on an erased right answer
I am here restless and wanting
I, the elephant in an empty room
This night is no fun
Spent mostly schmoozing with potential friends, lovers, friends of lovers past
This followed by a lack physical contact
Feels like punishment
Friends are not supposed to do this to each other
At least not so soon
Theres so much more to know
Before we stop assuming good intentions
Seems like God didn’t see fit to give a black man nothing but Dreams* And I’ve lost a lot of sleep to then Slept through Childhoods because of them Soon as you catch Seems you fall right back behind
Got half a mind to give in Half of me is fed up Don’t wanna try no more Feel like I been working my whole life Destined to die working for someone who’s mad their tax dollars Are going to keep my children clothed Fed, Educated
Said they shouldn’t have to pay for us to be healthy Say we ain’t giving enough to the machine Funny, I have always felt wrung out by the gears Pressed permanent Wear this blue collar like a scarlet A Glad I wasn’t born a woman Or Immigrant Or not speaking the Native language Just Black They taught me it was the absence of color Found out it was the opposite In a country that treated me opposite that definition
I want so many things Things it don’t seem unreasonable for a young man to want Things adults taught me with the golden rule Now seem unreasonable Unless I sell myself to the highest bidder “That’s just how it is,” they say “Work harder,” they say Head down Back to your regularly scheduled programming Put on the chains and repeat the phrase
Our bodies be tourniquets for this broken system This nights filled with shots and slings Still asking you what I can do for my country that doesn’t feel like a slow death A secret kept in a wicker chest This country breathes inside of me While I apply pressure and heat Keep the swelling down Go to work and smile Clock in and check out Whatever makes you happy has a price tag Even the wife and kids Don’t we look like a happy family No tears for the camera Only bright smiles and plastic smiles Pose like porcelain Like you are valuable because the flag said so Red White & Blue Money Power Respect Drink More
Eat Less
Unless it’s Corn or Chicken
And my Heels are clicking In pair of shoes made by people they call Yellow Trying to envision a place called home on stolen land Missing the people they call Red Illegal as the people we call Brown Like our skin is not the same all when put next to white Seem a little less pure Is it no surprise they call me black Something to be feared Like the night Prone to violence and fights
Bob
Weave Quick Left
Fake Right
I pause with patient for sight Remember the past in presence Remember I am but clay when I hear the rumble of rockslide When the hills roll like pills Roll like rock and hard places Stop like old faces Faded photographs Remember I am speaking Polaroids Remember I am humam Remember I am Breathing Remember I am held Remember to take them “no’s” like vitamins Remember all the black gold in a prison pipeline Remember that I am more than statistics Remember to take these dreams and spin a better reality
Poem was inspired by a quote from A Raisin in the Sun by Lorraine Hansberry